Poo-Pourri: the Gift of a True Friend, Obviously

A true friend laughs at your jokes, even when they suck worms.

A true friend lends an ear, a shoulder and a tissue to wipe your snot and streaming mascara when you need a good cry.

A true friend always has your back donning her Wonder Woman cape whenever necessary to save your day.

A true friend buys you Poo-Pourri.

Poo-pourri?

Before I describe this magical Daisy Doo product, let me remind you why this is a super-powered gift.

In a nutshell, I have Type 1 Diabetes and as a result of 31 years of the Betes, have collected some complications. The top three would be Retinopathy, Neuropathy and Gastro paresis, the latter being most troublesome at this point of my life.

My symptoms of nausea/vomiting, inflamed and angry intestines, stomach cramping and severe constipation thanks to the LAZIEST bowels of all time, have deemed it necessary for countless tests, probes and recently, a surgery of the bionic sort. I now have “Terry” (Enterra) the implant embedded (well, flopping around actually) in my belly wall as a sort of stomach pacemaker to help things move along. Needless to say, my quality of life in the health department has been sucked into my neglected crapper as of late.

Enter Erica, a true friend.

We don’t typically exchange Christmas gifts, so when she pulled out a tiny and delicately wrapped package this past December bow and all, I sputtered a lame, “But I didn’t get you anything!” (Speaking of sucking worms!)

“No need,” she assured me. “And you, my friend, need this gift!”

I’ve never been one to slowly peel the tape off and save the wrapping paper, much to my grandma’s chagrin. No, I’m more like a lion ripping open a leaking package of bacon after a 60 day fast when it comes to opening gifts. (My vegetarian self just threw up a little in my mouth.)

After tossing the wrapping onto the floor, in my hand I held a 49 ml bottle of Daisy Doo Poo-Pourri. (Shoot, it’s over 30 ml. Can’t take it on an airplane!)

“What pray tell, is that?” you ask.

Well as my true super-hero friend Erica explained, it is a spray which you squirt into the toilet bowl immediately before, well, ahem...you know, and the aroma is meant to not only mask the stench of death that typically wafts around the bathroom, but is also said to stimulate action in the first place.

Seriously?

Does it get any more thoughtful than this!?!?!

Now, Erica is no stranger to chronic illness herself, so it’s really no surprise that she came up with this, being someone who "gets" me on a level that many can’t.

But I don’t know where she found it, or better yet, WHY she knew about it. I mean really, who thinks to themselves, I wonder if there is a lovely smelling poo enhancing stimulant that could help a friend in need? I should research that. Yes, I’ll look for a cross between pot-pourri and speed and see what I can come up with. That combination should get her moving.

Oh Erica, how I love you. So what if I’m not cured? At least now my sh..poo smells like wildflowers and honey.

And to all the rest of you, after running out to get your own bottle, as I know you will, don’t get sucked into thinking more is better. I double squirted the first time. That was a mistake. I almost landed head first in the toilet bowl from fragrance asphyxiation.

So, Wonder Woman and the Bionic Woman...

Together, we’re unstoppable, Erica and me.

Or, at least, our sh... don’t stink. ;)