It's Okay Not To Be Okay: A Special Tribute to Megan

I have a friend. Well, more than one I think. But this one is special and today I want to honour her.

You see, sometimes it is not all about me. (Usually, actually. But in this blog it tends to be.)

Today, I want to talk about my friend Megan.

Megan like me, suffers from chronic illness. Many of our symptoms are the same, although the causes are somewhat different. Megan suffers from Lyme disease, and more recently has also been diagnosed with gastro paresis.  Reconnecting after many years, it was uncanny to realize how similarly we suffer. But that is not why Megan is so special.

More often than not, intense pain and fatigue make it impossible for her to get out of bed. If she is able, sitting and reading a book translates to a full body workout. Leaving the house is saved only for her very best days or, her very worst meaning a trip to the hospital. She has been the real-life main character in a bad hospital scene way too many times. Hard gurneys, curtained corridors and I.V. drips have been her life’s movie backdrop far too often, especially considering her age. Still in her twenties, health issues should not even be a line in the script, never mind dictating the whole screenplay. 

But that is not why Megan is so special.

After getting a degree, starting a successful career and living on her own, Megan has been forced to move back in with her (very supportive) parents and quit work. Not only is she sick, tired and lonely, but has lost her independence completely. This has been a huge setback for an intelligent and strong woman such as herself. She’s had no choice but to ask for help and take it.

 But that is not why Megan is so special.

Let me switch my focus from the negative to the positive. Megan would want that.

And that is why she is so special.

No matter how many times she throws up, or is the throws of muscle pain, Megan can still light up a room with her smile.

That is why Megan is so special.

When Megan sits alone in her room, what does she do? She posts motivational quotes to the world, and applies them to herself.

That is why Megan is so special.

When the rare occasion presents itself for me to visit her, (the UK is a long way from Winnipeg) it doesn’t matter that she hasn’t the strength to sit up in her hospital bed. She still asks how I am.

That is why Megan is so special.

The miniscule amount of energy she has to spend in a day is focused on her biggest priority: Love. It oozes from her delicate pores and grows with the strength of a tidal wave, washing over everyone she comes in contact with.

That is why Megan is so special.

Determination must be her middle name, since she never gives in; never gives up. It defies all negativity.

That is why Megan is so special.

Megan has not only not lost faith, but gained it along the way.

That is why Megan is so special.

 Megan, so many days I just want to get on a plane and go hold your hand, sit in silence and just blanket you with comfort. At the same time, I would soak in your essence and emulate your spirit. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said to myself, “If Megan can hang on, I can get through this.” Yes, at the risk of sounding clichéd, you are an inspiration; a hero.

Thank you not only for your strength, but also for your honesty. To quote Jesse J: It’s okay not to be okay. I hope you “get” that. I think you do.

 So to whoever is reading this, please honour Megan by recognizing her brutal struggle and her amazing attitude and learn from it. As a tribute to her, hold a hand if needed. And please, if you are also chronically ill, remember Megan. She’d have your back and so would I. That’s two people who already care.

Hang in there peeps. If I’ve learned one thing from Megan it’s this: You are stronger than you think.

Oh and also...

It’s okay not to be okay.

Diabetes, You're a Pain in the...Guts!

 

So I saw a new doctor yesterday. I’ve lived in the UK for 21 months and have been to 11 doctors in that time. Some people collect coins. Apparently I collect doctors. But I digress.

This new guy, Dr. Farmer, is the cream of the crop.

45 minutes of compassion, explanation, understanding and respect gave both Mr. Man and I hope. The fact that this new doc feels only 2 or 3% improvement in my symptoms would be a success considering my history, was still enough to encourage me given this last year. And his scientific breakdown of what is happening inside me not only validated my reality, but empowered me with a comprehension that I never had before.

He explained my pain this way: "Normally, a hot shower feels good on the muscles. It is relaxing and soothing. But if you have a sunburn, just the pressure of the water, even if not hot is painful and too much for the skin to handle. That is what the diabetes has done to your nervous system. Everything is hypersensitive to pain."

Yes! That made perfect sense to me.

And as if he knew I was a musician, he gave another analogy: "It’s like the gain has been turned up way too high in the mix."

Did you know that science has proven if you have pain in one area of your body, other areas with pain will be intensified? Wow. That was new information to me. Mentally scrolling through my problem areas, I realized it’s no wonder I hurt so much.

He also explained that the pain in my guts is due to easily inflamed intestines with poor healing abilities. He went on to say this applies to all areas of my body thanks to the Betes. My frozen and inflamed shoulders are a prime example of this.

Dr. Farmer is working on cutting edge therapies, medications and technologies.

“Hang in there Susanne. New treatments are on the horizon for gastro paresis.”

Thank you Dr. Farmer. I’ll take your 3% improvement and your gift of enlightenment.

You gave me more than any pill could ever do.

You gave me Hope.