Paper Gowns, Lady Parts and Pop!

So. Speaking of fashion statements (we were, weren't we?), I had another one of my "paper gown" experiences yesterday.
I promise I won't go into detail about the actual appointment since it was, as one of my friends says, for my lady parts. But the gown, oh the gown, that is worth speaking about.
Why oh why does our medical system cheap out on the one thing that is to preserve the patient's dignity?!
I mean, I suppose I don't want them to cheap out on the tools they use nor the antiseptic nor the pain-numbing agents nor the symptom curing procedures and meds nor the cleaning staff. No, definitely not the cleaning staff. (Think that one through, will ya? ;)
But seriously.
Half an hour naked in a piece of paper!?!
So there I sat, checking my blackberry and sipping my diet ginger ale (my newest addiction) while doing everything in my power not to let my buttocks touch the chair provided. I mean, it's not like those gowns are ballroom length. Surely they could extend those non-compliant, tear-like-tinfoil against-metal-teeth-garments just a few more inches. The designer of this fashion was either 4-feet tall or has never sat in the "lady parts" exam room for more than a second.
The good news is...now that I have lost some weight, I can actually meet the two sides in the middle. Forget the plastic string they give you to tie it up though. That snaps before I even get the so-called garment unfolded. Preserving the gown without tears is about as easy as doing a Rubik's Cube blindfolded. (Which, by the way, I saw a man do on Ellen just the other day in under a minute, but that just goes against my analogy so forget I said that.)
So, here's hoping I can avoid that appointment for a long time.
I will say this though...
That ginger ale sure tasted good. ;)