Is it All an Act?

I have a new, very part-time job. I'm an "acting" patient for Paramedic exams. You probably think I am crazy since I have been an actual medical patient so many times, but I just figure I own a little more expertise for the job. Too bad my years of active research on the subject hasn't counted for a higher pay scale.
You'd realize just how crazy I am if you saw what we have to wear while on the job. Since our clothes are often cut away by the trembling, sweaty candidate, we dress in local thrift store outfits that are good for...well...nothing except being cut off. (Don't get me started about how nerve-wracking it is to see those shaky hands coming at you with industrial strength scissors!)
The woman who heads up the program buys the clothes in two sizes: small and extra extra large. Since I fit somewhere in between, these options are not ideal, if ya know what I mean. It also doesn't help my image to be wearing man's way-too-short tuxedo pants and button up plaid shirts.
Lunch break in a nearby restaurant is a bit of a challenge, since there is stage makeup involved. Let's just say my pallor could cause someone to actually call the Paramedics, which would be delightfully ironic and would keep me laughing for days. (That is, as long as I didn't see one of the previously failed candidates coming my way with a pair of scissors. ;)
No, in this case, fashion and work don't mix. The only style statement made while on this job is "Ugh, gawd-awful!"
So if you see me in men's size 42 dress pants and in a sling, I am acting. But if I am dressed great and looking pale while lying on the ground moaning, then save me. It's for real.
I'm just trying to get a raise. ;)