Project Runway

Most people don't know this about me but I have dabbled in design. Not "Project Runway" material by any means, since on paper I can barely color between the lines and on the sewing machine...well...I can barely stitch a straight line. (Although I did pass Home Ec. sewing class in grade nine if that counts for anything.)
But what happens is I will be sitting thinking about nothing, or daydreaming about something, or having a random dream about flying cats and...Bam! My mind will create a new shoe, or dress, or coat. Sometimes a whole outfit will appear in what I can only assume is my imagination. And when this happens, I am convinced they are originals, because they are so fantastic (or bizarre) that I am sure I would have remembered them consciously if I had seen them before. I have tried penciling them on paper before I lose the vision, but sometimes it's floated away into infinity before I can get it down, and sometimes my darned fingers can't make those pencil crayons do the image justice.
That is not the only kind of designing I do. I also have visions of a new body. Sure, I'd like to reshape "this" and firm up "that" and Ooohhh, how I'd like to flatten "THERE!" But more importantly, and if I had the choice, I would redesign my inner systems. I would kick-start my pancreas, recharge my nervous system, energize my gastro-intestinal parts, disintegrate the tumor in my head...the list goes on. I sometimes dream of having a six-month sabbatical from disease. Yeah, a break would be nice.
But as I type this, I am realizing the first thing I would change is my heart. No, I don't have heart disease if that is what you are thinking; I wished I loved better. I wish I could permanently squish out the selfishness and instead ooze out compassion and forgiveness and generosity and hope. Yes, definitely hope.
So, I may not be able to draw or sew, but I can be a designer. And I hope the next time I am seen in a fabulous new outfit, those around me will be able to see new designs beyond the threads. And also be patient with me in the process of completing them.
I think this project is going to take awhile.