A Real Nail-Biter

I recently started growing out my nails. This is a significant achievement since I have always been a nail-biter. Not only during cliff-hanger movies like Cliffhanger, but also just because I didn't like the feel of having nails.
I still don't.
The reason I am growing them now is purely for vanity sake. That, and people tell me it is unsanitary to eat whatever might be growing under there.
Speaking of which...that is one of the reasons I hate having long nails! It always feels like there is stuff under them. Like my ranch popcorn seasoning after a nice munching session while watching So You Think You Can Dance. Yuck. How do you get all the crumbs out from under those pearly white beauties?! I only want to taste the ranch then, on top of the popcorn. Not days later.
And another thing...I am...well...challenged when it comes to doing the most routine things with long nails. My eyeballs look like they have the Kiss symbol etched in them from taking out my contacts every day. I was undoing my white ;) winter coat today and accidentally filed my pointer finger on the zipper. That didn't bode well for my nicely manicured nail tip. Hand-hemming my pants is a ridiculously impossible task now. (As if I ever did that in the first place. I am six feet tall and I don't sew. Had you going there for a moment though right? ;)
But seriously...these claws are a tricky tricky situation.
I do enjoy how they hide my over-poked, squeeze dried fingertips from all the blood sugar taking. And, when I have an itch it feels really good to scratch. (Except for those pesky skin cells that get underneath...)
I can't believe I just spent the last half hour writing about fingernails. I think for tonight, that is my way of ignoring the darker side of life. I know there are more important things to be discussed, but I simply don't have the energy to go there right now.
So in honor of fluffy denial, this is as good as it's gonna get. On that note, I better run.
I've got to go paint my nails. ;)